What's for Dinner

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.

He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.

He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.

He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

Don't Panic, Organize!

Goldfish Passing

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

Nice Taxi

Car Accident

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note and reads: “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I’m leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I’m not.”

Dead Terrorist

Deer Hunting

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy says, “No.” “A bald eagle just flew overhead.” “Oh.” A couple of minutes later the first guy says, “Did you see that?” “No.” “There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.” “Oh.” A few minutes later the first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy, getting aggravated, says, “Yes, I did!” The first guy then says, “Then why did you step in it?”